recognizing the stressed out cat

Category : art, language

Let’s see. This year, I went on a trip to Madrid for Thanksgiving. Ham! Fountains!

Before I left I had two cats that looked like this:

Because they liked each other. This, sadly, is a thing of the past. Near constant warfare is the new state of affairs, as well as separate living arrangements. Neither one will tell me what happened. I wake up in the middle of the night to two cats spitting and growling at each other over my stomach.

I’ve been told that it’s due to stress.

But I was only gone for five days! I protested. Five days too long they think to themselves, while shredding the spines of Best American Prose Poetry and The Rough Guide to Iceland with their spiteful little claws. We can’t live like this! they think as they sneak into my studio to take a vengeful dump. I’ve always hated you, you eat all the food! they think while looking at each other sideways….

They let a mouse move in while I was gone. I came home and there were mouse droppings in my bed. Like, the mouse came in and they were like, whatever, do whatever you like. Why don’t you shit in her bed while you’re here?

I went to the pet store and looked for a convenient and affordable solution in product form and all I could find was a $20 spray bottle of lavender scented water which promised to “promote a calming effect”. This seemed doubtful.  I did not purchase it.

I went home and patiently explained to them that they needed to make up with each other already, they’re going to have to live with each other , whether they like it or not, for the rest of their lives.

So this year I’m thankful that I’m not trapped in a small space that I cannot leave for the rest of my life with my mortal enemy, and that the person at the center of my world, the person who brings me all that I need and is good to my world, hasn’t disappeared abruptly with no warning.

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